


devil's backbone (i just wanna take him home)

by bittlebarnes (monroesherlock)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Depression, Gen, Grief, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Recovery, Retirement, Suicidal Thoughts, bucky dies in civil war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:14:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23390776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monroesherlock/pseuds/bittlebarnes
Summary: They lay low, the four of them. When Wanda dyes her hair, she and Natasha can pass for sisters. Steve grows out his hair. Sam sits with him in some dingey motel bathroom with an eight dollar box of hair dye and a broken watch. Steve somehow looks even sadder as a brunette. Sam sticks to hats and dollar store pair of reading glasses. They're enough.OrAn alternate ending to Civil War.
Relationships: (past), James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Other Background Relationships - Relationship
Comments: 8
Kudos: 61





	devil's backbone (i just wanna take him home)

It's over in an instant. 

One moment Bucky's standing tall and the next, there's _ a hole in his chest. _ He drops like a stone, eyes still frozen open. Steve clamors over top of him and lets out the unholiest of  _ screams. _ He won't  _ stop screaming _ . 

Tony's breath comes in heavy pants. His ears are ringing, and the armor has never felt this heavy before-

It's over. 

He knows what he's done. There's righteousness but also, blooming at the edges of his mind, there's a familiar feeling:

_ Regret. _

Barnes is dead-

The fog of rage is slowly clearing from his eyes, and cold dread settles into its place.

Jesus, what the hell did he just  _ do _ ?

Steve's finally gone quiet, his shoulders shaking as they rise and fall with every breath. He's draped over Barnes's body, his back to Tony. Every few seconds, he lets out a wet sounding whimper that sets Tony's teeth on edge. 

Tony's communications systems are damaged. If he's gonna get Steve out of here he's gonna have to do it himself. He takes a half-step forward-

"Don't," Steve croaks out. His voice is hoarse. He doesn't raise his head from its place over Barnes's chest. "Don't come near us," he says. 

Tony can't speak.

All the talking he's done in his life, and he's struck dumb. His parents are still dead. Rhodey's still crippled. What's one more body? 

It's all just gone so  _ wrong _ . He has to get outside of this place. The air's too thin. Already it's starting to stink of death and burned flesh-

He'll call someone neutral. Someone who can get Steve to move. Who though? Everyone Steve trusts are either dead or in jail. Fury's gotta be in the wind. Thor's off-world. He hasn't seen Bruce since-

There's gotta be someone he's not thinking of. When he gets outside, he'll be able to think. He makes the trek back to the entrance. Friday is saying something, but Tony can't hear it. The air outside is crisp and cold against his cheeks. Tony closes his eyes.

When he comes back, Steve is gone. So's Barnes's body.

The shield remains.

\--

Sam thinks he could like Wakanda if the circumstances were different. It's not home, but it's not a prison cell at the bottom of the ocean either, so he'll take it. Even still, he's kind of glad they're not staying long. Just long enough to refuel, do what needs to be done, and get gone. Where they end up? That's a different story altogether.

He blames himself for Barnes. He trusted Tony. Trusted his intentions. He never expected it to go sideways the way it did. Sam shakes his head. Steve's had a deathwish for as long as he's known him. First Peggy? Now Barnes? There's little to stop Steve from jumping off the ledge  _ forreal _ this time. Sam's not sure he's gonna be able to keep Steve afloat this time.

In the end, it's him, Steve and Wanda packed and ready to go. T'challa invites them to stay, promises protection as recompense, but Steve declines. People are looking for them. They don't want to bring more trouble down on the king's doorstep. 

Clint's in the wind. He and his wife know how to lay low even with the kids, and they've still got good friends in high places. Scott stayed behind on the raft. He's got a kid too. Fewer friends, though. Sam gets it.

Natasha meets up with them at stopover in Morocco. She's blonde now and hiding in plain sight. She hugs Steve tight when she sees him. He stands stiff in her arms. It's not forgiveness. 

But it's not condemnation either.

They lay low, the four of them. When Wanda dyes her hair, she and Natasha can pass for sisters. Steve grows out his hair. Sam sits with him in some dingey motel bathroom with an eight dollar box of hair dye and a broken watch. Steve somehow looks even sadder as a brunette. Sam sticks to hats and dollar store pair of reading glasses. They're enough. 

It's not enough to just hole up somewhere. They keep moving.

"I think I'm done," Steve says one day.

"Done?" Sam says absently as he studies the log in front of him. They're sorting firewood. It's getting colder as the days go by. The little cabin they're staying in for the season has its own heating, but the risk of a power outage means firewood is a necessity. 

"I think I'm retired. I can't-I really can't take anymore," Steve says. He drops the axe he was holding and looks up at the sky. It's a clear day. First one in a while.

Sam thinks he understands. His best friend's in Arlington. A cold headstone the only reminder Sam has that he was even real. At least he's buried back home. Bucky's resting on Wakandan soil.  _ With high honor _ , T'challa had promised,  _ and utmost respect _ . 

It had all done little to soothe Steve's nerves.

"Then we're retired," Sam shrugs. He tosses the log into the to-split pile. "We can play mahjong. Teach the kid to drive. This is as fine a place as any."

Steve doesn't smile, but the ever-present frown that mars his face doesn't get bigger. 

Sam counts it as a win.

**Author's Note:**

> Rewatched the movie on disney+ and wondered. Now, with all this free time it's fun to explore the plot bunny. Glad to get it off my chest.  
> May write more. May not.


End file.
